Tony: If I'm going to lam it, I'm going with a fucking package. I'm not going to be like fucking Mickey Mazucco. The poor prick only had five minutes to run. He ended up in some rat infested motel down in Elvis country.
Furio: What is that?
Paulie: Anywhere there are no Jews or Italians.
Furio: I don't get it.
Paulie: You didn't go to hell. You went to purgatory, my friend.
Christopher: I forgot about purgatory.
Paulie: Purgatory--a little detour on the way to paradise.
Christopher: How long do you think we've got to stay there?
Paulie: That's different for everybody. You add up all your mortal sins and multiply that number by 50. Then you add up all your venial sins and multiply that by 25. You add that together and that's your sentence. I figure I'm gonna have to do 6,000 years before I get accepted into heaven and 6,000 years is nothin' in eternity terms. I can do that standing on my head. It's like a couple of days here.
Paulie: There's no denying it, I'm dragging a bunch of fucking ghouls around with me and Mikey is their fucking ringleader.
Tony: Paulie, think about it. You whacked a bunch of heavy hitters in your time. Do you think they're going to join together and follow that prick Mikey?
Christopher: (on seeing Furio) What the fuck! Is he on vacation?
Paulie: Yeah, he saw a travel poster for sunny New Jersey.
(on Don Vittorio) Ton', you give this guy a golf club he might try to fuck it.
Paulie: The Skip seeing a psychiatrist, how does that sit with your ass?
Silvio: I usually do sit with my ass. Why don't you sit with yours?
(to Meadow) It'll take more than the Jamaican bobsled team with cap guns to stop your old man.
Tony: Listen I want you to keep your eye on Pussy. There's something wrong with him. He's not himself.
Christopher: You're tellin' me. You know he hasn't even done his rounds in a week. He's startin' to look like an easy mark.
Paulie: I told him, someone owes you money, even if you gotta crawl, you get it.
Paulie: This is all a message to your friends. Stay away from port Newark. Don't even drive out to Jersey. Not even on Sundays.
Valdez: I'll tell them.
Paulie: They've been told. Twice. Now I'll tell 'em.
Christopher: (frustrated by his lack of progress writing a screenplay) Bought a scriptwriting program and everything.
Paulie: My advice? Put that thing down awhile. We go get our joints copped, the words will come blowin' out your ass.
Ariel: Yes, may I help you?
Paulie: That depends, are you Ariel?
Ariel: That also depends, are you a bill collector?