Alex, honey, when you're out shopping, you might want to pick yourself up a training bra. I know you don't need one now but your little boobies are going to come in soon. Mommy loves you, kitten!
Sweetheart I would love to be wrong, but I don't live with the right people for that.
Phil: My wife is always so tired and she's always making lists of things for me to do.
Claire: Maybe if you did them she wouldn't be so tired.
Phil: Oh no, she could make lists for days.
Mitchell: You had your own moments. You had cheerleading, and high school plays, and making out with the quarterback...
Claire: Oh come on, you made out with him, too.
Mitchell: Yeah, but we had to keep it a secret.
Haley: Did my 3rd grade teacher say I have ADD or something.
Claire: No honey she said you couldn't A-D-D because she also knew you couldn't S-P-E-L-L.
Claire: I got pregnant with Haley.
Phil: My bad!
Claire: Oh thank God, here comes Phil and the butterball.
Manny: Hey, I have a name!!
You know how growing up we all have that voice inside our head that tells us we're not good enough? Well, mine was outside my head driving me to school
Phil: Kids, get down here!
Haley: Why are you guys yelling at us? We were way upstairs, just text me.
Claire: Alright, that's not going to happen and...wow, you're not wearing that outfit.
Haley: What's wrong with it?
Claire [to Phil]: Honey, do you have anything to say to your daughter about her skirt?
Phil: Sorry. Oh yeah, it looks really cute sweetheart.
Claire [to Haley]: No, it's way too short. People know you're a girl; you don't need to prove it to them
Kids these days get trophies just for showing up. What's that gonna lead to? A bunch of thirty year olds living at home.
Your kids don't need to know who you were before you had them; they need to know who you wish you were, and try to live up to that person. They're gonna fall short, but better they fall short of the fake you than the real you.
I have 3 kids, I've been tired since 2005.